If you’re reading this then it means you’re a human that eats food so this article is definitely for you.
Food falls under a complex umbrella with many questions, variability and beliefs. There are dynamics at play with food choices. What we eat and how it’s prepared influence these choices. Our eating habits depend on where we eat and our relationship with food. This relationship is based on our cultural and personal perceptions.
Just as each of us have different perceptions of life, we all perceive food differently as well. This is clear from the thousands of different diets available. These can range from a meat-based diet to a vegetarian-based diet. They can also range from a full-fat diet to a no-fat diet. The reason for our choices in the diets is also based on perception. Do we eat a certain way for our health, for flavor, for weight-loss or just because it’s considered culturally appropriate?
Food as Medicine.
Food is fucking complex. And touchy. I will tell you right now – don’t get in the way between me and my food. Food is crucial for my physical survival. It also has an emotional piece woven into every food decision I make.
Most of you are familiar with the term of “Food as Medicine.” Which is a way to use food to heal our bodies physically. This would mean adopting a whole foods approach and incorporating herbs, spices and plants with medicinal properties.
But what about food as medicine for our emotional support? This has an entirely different spin to it. Within our American culture, majority of us were not taught to regulate our emotions in a supportive and natural way. When we weren’t offered this education, we created our own ways to regulate or bury our emotions. We didn’t know how to process them. Naturally, they were too uncomfortable to feel. We use the term “emotional eater” as if it’s a “disease” that a smaller percentage of the population has. However, based on our cultural upbringing it’s clear that emotional eaters are not the few, but the majority.
From a young age we learned that food is one external way to “manage” our emotions. It can bury sadness, temporarily, or bring about feelings of pleasure and joy. In a society overcome by anxiety, depression, and shame, it’s no wonder we have an obesity and illness epidemic. Most of us use food to get through each day. It’s a way to cope and evoke or bury certain feelings.
My food journey.
I grew up in a typical American household. Meals consisted of frozen pizzas, Lean Cuisines, fast food and Hamburger Helpers. Along with rotated mac ‘n’ cheese, spaghetti, and sweet ‘n’ sour chicken.
My interest in health food began during nursing school when I started reading a Superfoods book for fun. Any nutrition education was on my own time because there was no formal nutrition related training in nursing school.
From there, I began playing with food eliminations based on symptoms I had. I became fascinated by the healing benefits of food.
Throughout the course of 10 years I tried different diets, new foods and continued food eliminations. I received my health coaching certification and began coaching clients towards healthier lifestyles.
Even through all of this exploration, learning, and teaching health, I hadn’t considered the role my relationship with food had. It affected the food choices I made and how I eat.
Not until very recently did I come face to face with the reality in my choices. Food was once healthy or not healthy. I didn’t analyze the logistics of what I was eating. I didn’t consider how I was eating. I also didn’t consider how I was making my food choices.
Managing emotions with food.
I have a dysregulated nervous system. Like many of you, I was not taught how to manage my emotions. I have looked out for ways to cope my entire life. Food, alcohol, exercise, TV and people are all examples of external ways I have coped.
Once my system finds a way that helps me feel better, it continues to return to that source. I seek feelings of comfort and safety there. Our bodies were designed this way – habitual creatures that are always looking for safety for survival. It’s brilliant. It does exactly what it is designed to do. But when we don’t know how to find real safety, we look for a false sense of safety. We do this, for example, with our food.
I have considered myself a healthy eater. However, the reality is that I eat “healthy” food while still using food for safety and comfort. It’s been easy to disguise my relationship with food when my plate is filled with veggies. I’ve been hiding from myself.
Coping with food does not come just in the form of “junk” food.. As an example, I will grab a piece of food to shovel in my mouth when I feel anxious. I walk in the kitchen and grab a banana to eat. Healthy food, chosen for an unhealthy reason. I’ve practiced to start noticing when I want to do this.
Other ways I use food is over-eating, eating quickly or snacking after dinner.
We use food for reasons beyond nourishment. These reasons offer us either a feeling of safety or comfort. This doesn’t have to be a “bad” thing. Doing this doesn’t make me wrong. It provides information for myself to see what I am doing.
I have eaten pizza and chocolate on my couch countless times. I do this while watching a movie. I often fall asleep right there. I used to call this re-energizing myself. Now I see it’s all comfort as a way to cope when life seems “too much.”
I am not wrong for doing this. It’s been a way for me to feel safe. Now, I notice that I chose this because I lacked skills for other ways to manage my emotions. Food is such a delicious, comforting way to feel safety.
How about you? Do you over-indulge on sweets or chips? Do you find yourself under-eating, over-eating or grazing throughout the day?
Eating is a normal, consistent part of our daily lives. The way we eat becomes so normalized. No one dares draw attention to the fact that the majority of us are addicted to food and eating. An addiction is any substance used to evoke a certain feeling, reward or motivation. When put that way, would you say you have an addiction to food? Most likely.
Filling our plates with love.
Geneen Roth is an expert in food relationships. She speaks about our plates being the microcosm of the macrocosm of our lives. What we put on our plates and how we eat it is a representation of our life as a whole. It shows our beliefs about ourselves and how much we love ourselves.
We choose differently when we feel worthy and filled with love. I guarantee our plates will not be filled with pastas and cakes. We make choices differently based on our love for ourself. When we come from a place of love we no longer look to food for love.
When we love ourselves, there is no need for the excess salt and sugar to quell our insecurities. Instead, we can more easily bypass our brains’ attention to sweets. We can focus on the needs of our body for nourishment.
Food can still add pleasure and joy to our lives. I believe it is important to dig into our food relationships. We can shift from food having power over us to us having power over our food.
Redefining food relationships.
For me, this looks like getting curious with myself on my food story. What foods actually align with me.
Questions I have been asking myself –
What foods align with me? The food I eat was given to me as a story from my parents. I get to now decide for myself what fits my beliefs. This also is an evolution. I find myself continually evaluating what is in line with me and how I want to eat. I start with my foundational belief that I want to nourish my body and then I make choices from there. Is every choice I make nourishing? No. Some is based on comfort. I am not perfect, I do not want to be perfect. Creating a happy, simple and nourishing food pyramid for myself feels aligned. No perfection necessary.
How do I want to prepare them? Rather than making intricate recipes, I now choose to eat much simpler Mostly whole foods with limited processing. I believe cooking can be enjoyed and therapeutic, but without the complexity I used to bring in.
How do I want to eat my food? I used to eat food standing up while cooking or popping in the kitchen for something to eat. Now, I want to eat sitting down with my feet planted on the ground. Noticing my bites and being “with” my food while I eat. To practice stopping when I am getting full. I like to set up a connected and safe place at the table with candlelight, smudges and low lighting. Sometimes I play quiet music. I want to eat slower and more mindfully.
Kindness to yourself first.
I first addressed my relationship with food and began cutting out foods that were for comfort. These included noodles, breads, and lattes. What I discovered is that my system was not happy about this. It senses familiarity and safety with some of these comfort foods. I now see that that is OK. I can eat nourishing and mindfully while choosing foods that offer a level of comfort within moderation.
Be kind to yourself first. This is not about perfection. It’s about alignment. Eat what feels right for you and don’t judge it. Just like me, likely your food choices will continue to evolve with time. Be where you’re at right now. To remove foods without the skills to regulate yourself can feel depressing. Choose you first.
Next steps.
- Practice awareness with your food. Begin notice what you’re eating, how you’re cooking and eating, when you’re eating, with whom you’re eating… all of this matters. Just notice. What are your food habits like right now? When do you grab for food in the day? What type of food are you grabbing? What are you grabbing for your snack? Are you actually hungry or do you just want something salty or sweet? Would you want a carrot for your snack? Consider this instead of the bag of chips. That is a helpful question for me to gauge if I am actually hungry.
- Start asking yourself what you want your relationship with food to look like. Flip it upside down you if want. This is your life – make it how you want. Ditch the stories that were given to you and create this for yourself. What foods do you want to be eating? When? How? What do you want at the table during meals? what is conversation like during meals?
- Begin making changes. These are habits engrained within our nervous system. Give yourself time to begin making these changes one by one. Maybe thats replacing pasta with beans and adding a candle to your dinner table. Next, you could choose to stop having dessert after dinner. Instead, make yourself a tea or go for a walk.
- Kindness, kindness, kindness. Whatever change you make is to support your best self. Be compassionate and loving as you choose you in this food journey.
- Remind yourself its transition from food having power over you to you having power over food. Whatever choices you make, just be honest with yourself. It’s ok. Each day take the next steps towards your best self and you’ll never go wrong.