Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
Do You Love Yourself?
The automatic response here may be, “Of course I love myself.”
When comparing to everyone around us, it seems appropriate to think that.
But let’s be real here. Our society is fucked up. So comparison is not really a worthy cause.
The demands, supporting of consumerism and underlying projection that more stuff – physically, mentally, emotionally and on our calendars will make us more worthy, successful and…. loved.
What if our society doesn’t actually want us to love ourselves?
If we loved ourselves, we’d stop giving ourselves away to our jobs, our calendars, our loved ones, our commitments, advertisements, the next best thing, giant homes we cannot afford without working a stressful job… what else?
We are all hustling for love, until we choose differently and begin saying “enough is enough” or in other words, “FUCK OFF. I CHOOSE ME.”
What is love?
The Britannica.com definition of love is this, “… an emotion characterized by strong feelings of affection for another arising out of kinship, companionship, admiration, or benevolence
The American culture in which we learned from, emphasizes kindness and love towards others, but what about ourselves?
We learned at a young age that self-love is unkind and selfish. We learned to self-abandon and give to others instead of ourselves. (And, in actuality, the kindest thing we can do for another is to first love and care for ourselves)
When is the last time the media, public or mainstream has talked about kinship with oneself? To be in knowing and communion with our inner being?
What would it mean to be our own friend?
A trusted friend, to me, is someone who you can confide in, who has your back and you know you can call on when in need of support, who admires, encourages and supports you in your dreams.
Can you say that about yourself? What do you tell yourself when feeling down?
Most of us cannot say that we have our own backs at all times or that in the dark moments we support ourselves through and out of those menacing thoughts.
And we are not wrong or bad to not be our best friend. We never learned how. In fact, quite opposite. We learned it wasn’t safe. To set boundaries, be clear, have autonomy, speak up and follow our deepest hearts desires – that’s too much. Safety was found, for most of us, in quieting our heart, fitting in and following suit.
Just because it’s “normal”, doesn’t make it Natural. Being our own friend is natural and instinctual. The self-hatred and abandonment is actually LEARNED. That’s the great thing. It can be UNLEARNED. It is possible as the evolutionary, incredibly intelligent and malleable human beings we are to begin letting go of that baggage that doesn’t serve us.
Those thoughts and icky feelings are actually, at its depth, just showing us that something is off. Just as a wound is felt with pain. Pain is a signal to bring our attention to a part of us that needs our care and is out of balance. Without pain we may not give it the care it needs to heal.
Love is at the root of this entire human experience. Everything that pulls us from the state of LOVE is a distorted perception, an illusion. Just as Adam and Eve ate the apple – their perception became distorted from the truth.
The truth is that we are perfect. Perfect as our un-perfect, human, always learning, growing and evolving self. That success is not measured by the cultural perception of success, but instead at the ability to deepen relationship with ourselves and grow closer to that love that burns within.
What is it to love oneself?”
To understand this more, let’s briefly walk through the morning of a typical American.
Wake up – tired, groggy
First thought “I don’t want to go to work.”
Grab phone. Scroll social media.
Background thoughts running, “I wish I could just go on vacation like her.” “She’s so pretty.” “Why is their family so much happier?” “That meal looks awesome. Why do they have so much more time than me to make that? I could never make it look that good”
Consider how many negative thoughts jump into our awareness within the first 10 minutes of waking.
Getting ready and feeling annoyed our partner isn’t awake, our child refuses to get ready.
Running late. Feeling irritated.
Feel tightness in their chest. Going to be late. Have a presentation at work. Mad at their spouse, worried about work, overwhelmed by all there is to do before heading out of town this weekend.
What parts of this morning look like kinship, companionship and admiration of self?
The negative self-talk, the stressful looping day in and day out, feeling the lack, jealousy, judgement…The not feeling like enough or worthy to live life a different way.
If you relate to any part of this morning routine, you are not alone. In fact, It’s all, but uncommon. That type of living is expected and praised within our society. The more we can give of ourselves, the more successful we are – in terms of cultural success.
Let’s ask ourselves, though, if each one of us were to make an intentional choice to love ourselves a bit more everyday, what would change?
What would your life look like with a little more self love?
Would we keep scrolling social media? Keep our job that demands our life? Keep paying for options to all of our shows?
What if we began saying “no” little by little to all of that extra noise and made space for our inner voice, desires and calling?
It may be a soft whisper or even a loud scream demanding your attention at this point.
We are not of this world. Quit living like it!
Nature isn’t a nicety. It’s a necessity.
We ARE nature. Again referencing Adam and Eve, we CAME from the EARTH. And the moment we stopped acting like it, we created Dis-ORDER.
We are divinely created within natural order, anything out side of that will create dis-harmony (feeling a lack of love). ANY choices made that aren’t from love, create further chaos, dis-harmony and dis-association.
Let’s check back in.
Do you love yourself? Like REALLY love yourself?
Not the surface-level, “I will take scraps in my life and be OK”, “I gave up my dreams a long time ago and settled for this life,” kind of self-love. Because let’s be real. That. Is. Not. Love.
This world will only change when we each choose ourselves. One step. One self-kind choice as a time.
To unlearn the distortion and allow the love within to flow through and out, we need it mirrored to us.
Seek positive affirmations, inspirational people, support, guides, healing modalities…
Begin to reach for the truth and it will be begin to shine more and more from within until it’s so bright there is no more dimming it. Keep going.
Let love lead the way. You’ve got this.
Bravely Barefoot. Touching the Earth, While Reaching for the Stars.
With love,
Anna